A New Addition to the Family

Well, this time I need to start off not with an update about me, but about my younger sister. Sue and her husband Jared welcomed in their second child, a beautiful “little” boy, Christopher William Johnson. He weighed in at a tiny 9lbs 8oz, measuring 21 inches. Ouch! Baby and Mom are both healthy. Such an exciting time!

My first full year at Villanova we had the installation of a new president, Fr. Peter Donahue, OSA. He wanted to do something very special for his inauguration, something that really highlighted the Augustinian charism and the university’s Augustinian motto of Caritas, Veritas, Unitas. And so he decided that in honor of our school’s patron, St. Thomas of Villanova, an Augustinian priest and bishop who is known as the patron of the poor because of his tremendous devotion to the needy of his time, Villanova would have a Day of Service. And so that first St. Thomas of Villanova Day of Service we had over 2,000 students and alumni volunteer around the Philadelphia area (and in some cases around the country and even the world, through various alumni organizations) at various service sites. Some went to Fairmount Park to do cleanup there; some painted and fixed up various children’s shelters; some went to soup kitchens to help out there. I was part of a group that worked on building two houses for Habitat for Humanity. It was a great day and really highlighted what it means for Villanova to be an Augustinian university.

Now, four years later, that Day of Service has become an ingrained tradition and has grown significantly. So this past Saturday we all gathered again, this time over 4,000 volunteers, and set out to our various sites. For me, however, there was a bit of a twist. This year I signed up to be a site leader, meaning I would lead or co-lead one of the groups. As it turns out, because we had so many people sign up this year we were literally running out of sites where volunteers could serve, and so my prior at the monastery, Fr. Joe Farrell, was asked if perhaps Bellesini Friary could be a service site. In reality it makes great sense because the house where we are living is not in good shape at all. It is very old and has not been cared for properly for some time. And since it is a house of formation and prayer that we are hoping to use to promote vocations to the Order, even though we will only be at this location for less than a year it nonetheless would be a great help to fix it up some, at least in the areas where guests will be and in those spaces of prayer and study.

And so I was the co-leader of the service site at my own house, which was a bit strange, but ultimately quite awesome. We had a group of 25 girls from the Delta Gamma sorority come to work, and the girls were just unbelievable. They were so cheerful, so happy to be helping out, and they worked really, really, really hard. They cleaned the entire chapel, they landscaped outside, they cleaned the sacristy, they cleaned the sitting rooms in the front, the polished brass in the chapel and throughout the lower level of the monastery.

I was with a group that painted two rooms that are very difficult to describe. The way the monastery is currently set up is that there is a bedroom with an adjacent sitting room. One of the friars…well, let’s just say he had very interesting taste. His rooms were painted so that the bedroom was wall to wall, including ceiling, a bright, bright green. The adjoining sitting room was wall to wall, including ceiling, a bright, bright red. It looked like Christmas. Or, as one of the girls said, if you were to put flecks of black paint in the red room, it would look like a watermelon. Quite bizarre. But since we are hoping to use that room, because of its location, as a guest room when we have come and see type vocation visits, we needed to get it painted. So that’s what we did.

At 3:00 we gathered up and headed back to the university, where we had Mass, presided by Fr. Peter, and then a nice dinner. I had a great surprise when I got back to the school, in that my great friend Maria was there, whom I did not know was also doing the day of service (she graduated last year). So I got to eat dinner with her and catch up a bit, which was really nice.

By the way, getting back to my new nephew. So, Sue, just so you know, I’ve got the kid’s life planned out already. See, he was born on the date that the Church celebrates the Feast of St. Thomas of Villanova (even though the Order doesn’t celebrate it to Oct. 10 or something. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea). Now, Christopher’s middle name is taken from my Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill’s middle name was Thomas. So Christopher William is going to take Thomas as his confirmation name. After a brilliant high school career he is going to attend Villanova University, majoring in Philosophy, where of course he will excel and will be taught by his favorite uncle (that’s me). After Villanova, having experienced the beauty of the Augustinians and having such a deep admiration for his uncle, he will join me as an Augustinian. Eventually he’ll probably be pope, a job that I will have turned down several times already. So that’s his life.

Other than that, everything is going very well. I’ve been struggling with keeping my discipline in terms of bed time hours and such. It’s a challenge with the massive amount of homework I have every day. The real struggle is maintaining the rhythm of a prayer life. It’s really sad, in a way, because what happens is that I try to find time when I can “fit in” prayer, when the reality is that, and this is true for every Christian but certainly for a priest, deacon, or religious, but prayer should be the most important part of my life, and it should be a matter of “fitting in” everything else. But thankfully our God is a patient God.

Prayer itself is really a matter of discipline. St. Paul quite frequently used the imagery of an athlete when talking about his faith, and I think that is quite appropriate. The struggles that I tend to have with prayer mirror the struggles that I had with athletics in high school. My brother was an amazing athlete, far better than me, and while perhaps it is true that he had greater natural talent than me, the biggest reason why he excelled at sports at a level to which I never even came close is quite simply because he worked at it. He worked harder than everyone, and therefore he ended up being better than most.

The same is true with our relationship with God and our life of prayer, albeit not in a competitive way. The devil does not want us to enjoy a close relationship with God, because when we are close to God we are sanctified and made holy, and thus we become more effective at building up God’s kingdom here on earth. So he plays tricks on us, convinces us that we don’t have time for prayer, or that we don’t need prayer to be close to God, or that we just need to try to be good people. But the reality is that on our own we simply cannot be good, and whether we realize it or not we rely entirely on God’s grace for all that we do. And more than that, God desires for us the sort of happiness and joy, even here on this earth, that we cannot even fathom. That joy is experienced when we encounter the abundant love that God has for us, when we realized that not only are we created by Him, but indeed we are loved immensely by Him, so much so that He became like us and died for us, so that the divisions we have placed between ourselves and Him can be broken down for good. And the way that we encounter this love most profoundly is by developing a life of prayer.

Anyway, sorry for going on like that again :-) But my point is simply that lately I have not been disciplined in this prayer life, and with me this always has profoundly negative effects on my spiritual outlook. I become more irritable, less motivated, and so forth. I go into that spiritual and psychological “bad place,” and it takes a lot of hard work to get myself out. The beauty, though, is that this hard work is not done alone, but rather is done in cooperation with the grace of God. In particular, relying on the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist become incredibly important, as they provide the strength and nourishment to do what is necessary, and they provide the grace that perfects the hard spiritual work that I must do.

Well, it looks like I’ve done it again…I suppose I can’t keep apologizing for going on so long. I hope everyone is doing well. Please remember me in prayer (and pray that the Order can keep putting up with me :-P

Catholic-Orthodox Reunion In Sight?

The National Catholic Register has a fascinating article about the future of Catholic-Orthodox relations and the possibility of a near-future reunion. While I have to imagine that this is just overly optimistic, I do hope and pray that I am wrong. This is truly the saddest of the divisions in the Body of Christ, as both churches have legitimate apostolic succession and valid holy orders. I know certainly the Catholic Church could learn a great deal from our Orthodox sister Church when it comes to liturgy, modernity, and other areas of great importance. I certainly pray that the hopeful tone of this article indeed proves to be validated soon. Here it is:

Is Catholic-Orthodox Unity in Sight?
POSTED BY EDWARD PENTIN

The Catholic Archbishop of Moscow has given a remarkably upbeat assessment of relations with the Orthodox Church, saying unity between Catholics and Orthodox could be achieved “within a few months.”
In an interview today in Italy’s Corriere della Sera newspaper, Archbishop Paolo Pezzi said the miracle of reunification “is possible, indeed it has never been so close.” The archbishop added that Catholic-Orthodox reunification, the end of the historic schism that has divided them for a millennium, and spiritual communion between the two churches “could happen soon, also within a few months.”

“Basically we were united for a thousand years,” Archbishop Pezzi said. “Then for another thousand we were divided. Now the path to rapprochement is at its peak, and the third millennium of the Church could begin as a sign of unity.” He said there were “no formal obstacles” but that “everything depends on a real desire for communion.”
On the part of the Catholic Church, he added, “the desire is very much alive.”

Archbishop Pezzi, 49, whose proper title is Metropolitan Archbishop of the Mother of God Archdiocese in Moscow, said that now there are “no real obstacles” on the path towards full communion and reunification. On issues of modernity, Catholics and Orthodox Christians feel the same way, he said: “Nothing separates us on bioethics, the family, and the protection of life.”

Also on matters of doctrine, the two churches are essentially in agreement. “There remains the question of papal primacy,” Archbishop Pezzi acknowledged, “and this will be a concern at the next meeting of the Catholic-Orthodox Commission. But to me, it doesn’t seem impossible to reach an agreement.”

Continue reading here.

The Call to Religious Life

Sometimes I take it for granted that when I speak of living in religious life now with the Augustinians, people will just automatically know what I mean. Myself, I grew up with some awareness of what religious life meant because of my Aunt Lois, aka Sister Rose Lawrence, IHM. Visiting her in the convent, even at times staying overnight when we would visit her in Arlington, VA, gave me a more intimate understanding of religious life than I perceived from my encounter with the religious sisters who taught me in grade school. But it still for me always remained a superficial understanding of what it means to be a consecrated Religious, and so perhaps just talking about what it means for me now might be illuminating for those of you who are reading these notes from me and still more or less have no idea what the heck I'm talking about.

Perhaps the most confusing thing for some is the idea that I am actually pursuing two unique yet connected vocations: I am studying to become a priest; I am also in formation with a religious order, the Order of St. Augustine (OSA). While the two are certainly pursued simultaneously, they are nonetheless different callings. Not everyone who is called to the priesthood is called to religious life (hence why we have diocesan priests), and not every man who is called to religious life is called to priesthood (hence why we have religious brothers, which exist within my own order, as well).

I mentioned this a bit in my last update, but a primary focus of the religious vocation (as opposed to the diocesan priesthood) is that of community living. The Rule of St. Augustine (which he actually wrote originally for the religious order of women of which his sister was Superior), begins in this way:

Before all else, dear brothers, love God and then your neighbor, because these are the chief commandments given to us.

1. The following are the precepts we order you living in the monastery to observe.

2. The main purpose for you having come together is to live harmoniously in your house, intent upon God in oneness of mind and heart. (emphasis mine)

And so the primary purpose of religious life is to live in oneness of mind and heart, intent upon God. Through our common living, our common prayer, our common apostolates (the work we do), and so forth, we seek to deepen our awareness of the presence of God in our own lives, and thus find ourselves better equipped to share that presence with those around us. Love of God and love of neighbor are always intrinsically connected, and that connection forms the heart of religious life.

The other aspect of religious life that is distinct from diocesan priesthood is what is known as the evangelical vows taken by women and men religious: the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. These vows are taken so that the religious is equipped as best as possible to perfectly imitate the life of Christ on earth, who Himself lived in poverty, chastity, and obedience. Diocesan priests do not take such vows. They are allowed private ownership of property, they are not vowed to celibacy in the way that religious are (obviously in the West priests also observe mandated celibacy by discipline of the Church, but it is not this case in the Eastern Church). The diocesan priest, of course, still is under the obligation of obedience to his local bishop.

What I personally find about the radical nature of these three vows (which I will take for the first time at the end of next year, after what is called my novitiate year, which I will explain at another time) is how liberating they actually are. Though the vow of poverty is understood differently by the different orders, what it primarily points to is a simplicity in lifestyle that allows the consecrated religious to be largely unencumbered by material concerns. Our housing and our meals are provided for us by the Order, and we are given a small stipend each month to cover entertainment as well as those expenses not covered by the Order (i.e. clothing). But we do not own houses, cars, any sort of property like that (smaller things such as computers we may own, at least in the Augustinians, but larger items are all held in common).

The same is true with the vow of chastity. Obviously life in this world is always imbued with certain anxieties and concerns, but by not having that sort of commitment to a spouse and children – a commitment that most certainly is a beautiful one and vocation that is in great need of rediscovery in our world – the religious is then liberated to make a greater commitment of service to the Church and to the world. The boundaries of the heart are necessarily expanded and opened to all of God's children – an openness to which all are called, but which is made easier, I believe, by the vow of chastity.

I believe it is also the vow of chastity that makes it so necessary for the religious to develop a deep life of prayer. As liberating as celibacy can be, it obviously also involves a sacrifice of intimacy, and there is no doubt that at times every religious is going to encounter a sense of loneliness. This is one of the primary reasons I felt called to religious life as opposed to diocesan priesthood, because the sense of community, especially as it is understood by the Augustinians, is a great aid in the fruitful living of this vow. But above all else, the vow of chastity requires contemplative prayer, whereby the religious experiences the intimacy of God in ways that flood the soul with grace. Our God is never to be outdone in generosity, and Christ himself promised, "Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap" (Luke 6:38). The religious who gives all of his or herself to God through the vow of chastity and service to the Church, by developing a life of intimate prayer will be given back by God an overflowing abundance of love and union with Him.

I don't have much to say about the vow of obedience just now because quite frankly it is the one aspect of religious life which I really have not experienced yet. Our little community is still discovering ourselves and still developing a rhythm, and it seems to me that when a community is working as harmoniously as the Augustinians seem to work, the vow of obedience almost seems to find its way to the background. At the same time, the fact that it is there is a tremendous tool for the virtue of humility, because it is very easy to believe that we always know what is best, even for ourselves, and knowing that part of our consecration necessitates that if a superior says otherwise, we are to obey that superior as Christ Himself.

Two parting thoughts unrelated to anything I've said so far. One, September 10 was an Augustinian feast, the Feast of St. Nicholas of Tolentine (not that St. Nick – we're not quite that cool), who is the patron saint of souls in purgatory. Purgatory has been on my mind lately, especially since the funeral of Teddy Kennedy, where for some reason it seemed appropriate to more or less canonize the man at a Mass that is supposed to be offered for the salvation of his soul. It is important that we recognize the reality of purgatory and that our journey towards holiness and towards our final end with God does not necessarily end with death, and so I urge all to continue to pray for the souls in purgatory, to have Masses offered for them, and to recognize that praying for the departed souls is indeed a great work of mercy.

The second thought, very unrelated, is actually a request. Please all pray for my little sister Suzanne, and her family, as they are expecting their second child any day now (any minute, maybe!). Please pray for her health, the health of her son, and the continued blessing of her family.

Skepticism about Medjugorje

For some time now I have been stating my extreme skepticism regarding the authenticity of any true Marian supernatural activity in connection with Medjugorje. I do not believe the alleged seers are being truthful, I do not believe the Blessed Virgin appears there at all, and I believe it is very likely that these then-children were manipulated by disobedient and heretical priests. I also have strong suspicions that there is even a satanic element to what goes on there.

One of the strongest counterarguments I hear when I share these views revolves around the idea that so many Catholics have experience profound transformations of faith there, and if that is the case, then Medjugorje cannot be satanic. It is important to distinguish two separate activities here, however. One is the action of the alleged seers and their spiritual advisers, and the other is the ordinary faithful who make their pilgrimages there. To the former I have little doubt that we are dealing with fraud and perhaps even under satanic influence. However, we must always take into account the great mercy and love of our God. Just because Satan is active in the world does not mean that God abandons us to him. We know quite the opposite to be true. And so while Satan may use Medjugorje and the lying, disobedient and heretical priests who advise these alleged seers, and while he may use whatever malfeasant behavior of the alleged seers themselves, as a means to attack the Catholic faithful and draw them away from the true Catholic faith, that does not mean that God will stand idly by while the Enemy attempts to pillage the Church of Christ. Quite the contrary, because of the strength of Satan's attack, and because of the fact that he is using the guise of the Blessed Virgin Mary as his Trojan horse, it seems to me that it is for just that reason that the action of God is indeed increased in that area, and that those who are motivated by faith but nonetheless being led by manipulative liars who would have them believe they are visiting a sacred shrine are in fact protected by the great grace of God and the powerful intercession of the Blessed Virgin – the true Blessed Virgin Mary. And that, I believe, is why there are indeed sincere conversions of faith that occur there.

However, I also do not believe that every example of a conversion is in fact a conversion at all. In fact, what too often happens is that someone will claim to have seen something miraculous at Medjugorje, something that either contradicts our faith or at least has nothing to do with it (how many people have been shown pictures taken at Medjugorje and have all these "spiritual bodies" pointed out to us, which look like nothing more than moisture in the air reflecting the light of the flash, or some other light? And whenever I have asked one of these people to explain to me what exactly a spiritual body is, they have no idea – because it's not anything real), and thus their conversion is not towards the Catholic faith necessarily, but towards a constant seeking after something miraculous. This ultimately works against God and His Church because it drives people to put their faith into what can be seen, rather than in what is unseen, and the house of faith built on such a tenuous foundation is sure to collapse sooner or later, unless the foundation is corrected (which by God's grace often it is – not because of Medjugorje, but in spite of it).

I am firmly convinced that the Church will never officially approve Medjugorje, and I imagine at some point the Pope will officially come out against it. If I am wrong, then so be it, but I don't expect that I am.

I don't write about Medjugorje very often, though I suppose in recent months I've become a bit more outspoken in my criticism. There is an excellent article detailing the historical events surrounding the alleged apparitions over at First Things, which I recommend reading (an article to which I was tipped by The Deacon's Bench, an excellent blog that every Catholic should be reading).

Trusting God

Another exciting week at the friary. Last week was a huge week in the Order, as we celebrated back-to-back feasts, the Feast of St. Monica (Aug. 27), who is Augustine's mother, and then the Solemnity of our Holy Father St. Augustine (Aug. 28). I always say that for all the things I have in common with Augustine, most of all is that we both have saints for mothers. For those of you not familiar with St. Augustine, he is what led me to discover this religious order in the first place. He is one of the Church's greatest stories of conversion. As a young man he struggled like so many of us do, searching for meaning in life, struggling with sin, battling the pride that so often accompanies youth who are as gifted as he was, and ultimately questioning everything. They say that if you ever were to cut open the mind of Augustine you would find nothing but questions.

Augustine's story is ultimately a demonstration of how God can conquer even the most hardened of hearts and open them up to receive the loving knowledge of His indwelling within us. Augustine was rising up and becoming famous in the Roman Empire because of his great intellect and rhetorical skills, delivering speeches on behalf of the emperor. He had heard of a Catholic bishop in Milan, Ambrose, who was one of the Church's greatest preachers. Augustine decided to travel to Milan to learn from Ambrose, but since Ambrose would not speak with him much, the only way Augustine could learn from him was to go church and hear him preach. And so he did, he went there hoping to learn from Ambrose better rhetorical technique, and instead found himself converted by the words themselves.

In his Confessions Augustine reflects back on his many years wandering, searching, seeking, and sinning. In one of his more famous passages he writes:

Late have I loved You, O Beauty so ancient, O Beauty so new, late have I loved You! Behold, You were within me and I was outside, and it was there that I sought You. Deformed as I was, I ran after those beauteous things that You have made. You were with me, but I was not with You, for those things kept me far from You, which, unless they existed in You, would have no being.

You have called. You have cried out and pierced my deafness. You have poured forth Your light. You have shone forth and dispelled my blindness. You have sent forth Your fragrance, and I have inhaled and panted after You. I have tasted You, and I hunger and thirst for You. You have touched me, and I am inflamed with a desire for Your peace. (Confessions, X, xxvii, 38)

Augustine here points to something very profound, a discovery that greatly shaped the way he thought of the struggle with sin. What he realized is that all of his longings and his desires, all of his concupiscence and his seeking after fame and glory, all of these were simply disordered manifestations of his desire for God. I think this is an important reflection for our own lives. As human beings created by God and for God, and predestined to be with God, we have within our soul a natural longing for the transcendent, a longing that is only truly fulfilled in God. But in this fallen world it is so easy to get lost and to seemingly fall away from God, and when we do that deep desire for the transcendent ends up manifesting in any variety of disordered ways. So it is with the drug addict, the alcoholic, or with those lusting for power, or for fame, for "casual" sex separated from love, these habits form in us precisely because our soul has a deep-seated longing that needs to be fulfilled, but it is a longing that can only truly be fulfilled in God. Thus Augustine says, "You were within me, and I was outside, and it was there that I sought You." It really is a radical way of looking at sin. Sin is nothing more than a longing for God that is unrecognized and thus sought elsewhere.

It reminds me of the Gospel story when Jesus encounters the Samaritan woman at the well. He says to her, "Every one who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (John 4:13-14). When an alcoholic gets drunk, or a drug addict gets high, or when we do something for the sake of being praised and then receive that praise, or whatever other kind of sin, we have a temporary moment of euphoria, of exaltation, but it ultimately goes away and leaves us thirsting for more. But when we direct that desire towards God, when we put our faith in Christ and abide in His Church, then that desire is fulfilled and we thirst no more.

Augustine recognized that to desire God leads one to love God, and to love God necessarily leads one to love humanity. This led Augustine to his great understanding of the importance of community, that by living in a community, "with one mind and heart intent upon our God," human beings learn to love one another, they encourage one another in their walk of faith, and they grow in a deeper understanding of themselves. That focus on community continues to be the primary focus of Augustinians today. This was never more evident than on the day of his feast. First, students, faculty, staff, and locals from the area joined the friars in a beautiful Mass. After Mass about a hundred Augustinians went to the monastery chapel and together we prayed Vespers (Evening Prayer). It was quite a sight, 100 friars, most dressed in their black habits, the joy of their vocation shining through their faces. After Vespers we proceeded into the large common room for a happy hour social, and then went to the dining hall for a truly magnificent dinner. It was quite a beautiful day.

So often in my life, especially since my rediscovery of faith, I have found that God fills me with such tremendous graces as a means of preparing me for some struggle or another. I remember when I was diagnosed with cancer, those first two weeks or so I was flooded with grace and an overwhelming sense of the presence of God in my life, a gift I recognize was given to me so that I would be able to maintain hope during those subsequent weeks of great spiritual darkness. It is very easy in this life to lose trust in God, to forget that we are indeed under His loving providence, and that He loves us more than we could ever know. I believe that was the case again here, where God blessed me with such a magnificent experience of community, of the Augustinian vocation, just as the first real challenges would arise. These past few days have had some struggles, some hardships, some of which I anticipated, some I certainly did not. At first they began to weigh on me, until finally I was able to remember that I did not join religious life because I sought a life of comfort, but rather because it is where I trust that God is calling me and that for me it is the truest path to God. It is the same for someone called to marriage. A marriage is certainly going to have difficulties, but one does not choose marriage because it is easy, but rather because love compels each towards the other. And it is that love that not only makes the struggles endurable, but that even transfigures those struggles into virtue. I'm reminded of St. Paul, who wrote, "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:3-5). The struggles of this life are a great challenge for us, but with the love of God poured into our hearts they become great opportunities for transformation.

I hope everyone is doing well. Know that I remember all of you in my daily prayers, and that while I may be physically absent, in my hearts you are always present in love.