Wish You Were Here

This hasn't happened to me in about six months or so, but tonight in church, before Mass began, I suddenly became very aware of how deeply I miss Uncle Bill. I found myself overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry. It literally came out of nowhere. I think about him all the time, all throughout the day, very fondly and lovingly and not with sadness, but there are just so many reminders of him in my life. Plus, my family always says that I am Uncle Bill, because we both have so many of the same mannerisms, and I suppose since his death I've sort of taken up his mantle, so to speak, and I want to make sure his memory is always present with us, for it is a truly joyous memory. But tonight was different, tonight was, if only briefly, very sad. I know why, of course. Tomorrow my family is coming over, thinking it is for my birthday, but it is really so that I can finally announce to them my acceptance into the Augustinians. My godmother, Aunt Franny, lives two hours away and I did not think that she would make it, since we were only telling her we were having dinner for my birthday, but she is coming. It was really important to me that she be there. But my godfather will be missing. That's not true, of course, he will be there, and he is always wherever I am because he is always in my heart. But I wish he would be there to hug me and tell me he's proud of me (Ha, I'm probably romanticizing his memory a bit here, because I don't think he would ever actually say he's proud of me, but he would be proud of me, and I would know it). At his funeral when I gave the eulogy, I promised to remember him in every Mass I offered as a priest. During the time when I was not sure if this vocation would actually come to be, I often thought back on that eulogy and so often the memory of him (and undoubtedly his prayers for me now) guided me back to this vocation. I am so thankful for him, so blessed to have had such a beautiful godfather, and tonight, this weekend, I miss him so badly.